Hey again! I am not that reading addict (I know, reading is good and I AM working on it) however, lately I have been reading this book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" by John Gray. This book explains the differences between men and women as if they were from two different planets and shows how they could communicate effectively. To be honest this book can help you understand others and even yourself. I intend to present a snapshot about this book here. Ladies first; so we'll start with "Women Are from Venus".
Whenever women face problems and once they share it with men, Martians (men) automatically provide solutions for that problem. However it is not solutions what Venusians (women) are looking for; it is empathy, affirmation and good listening. For example, if she told you that she is out of time and her mind is full with 100 pending tasks:
Your not-so-good answer would be: "Try to do time management, you can use a diary to organize your tasks"
Your good answer would be: "Ouch I know how that feels, I have been through that before" or "Tell me about it, I am here listening to you".
For me as a Martians it is hard not give a solution for a problem, so I suggest that as a first step you can provide empathy and good listening. After that you may provide your solution, this way everybody is happy, how is that?
Still on Venus, women go through mood changes that the book describes as “Waves” of ups and downs. We are concerned in our post with the "downs", when a Venusian is having one of these bad times it would be as if she is heading towards the bottom of a well. OK, so what shall you do as a Martian? First, you should know that you cannot pull her out, however you do not mind joining her in the trip to the bottom. Because this state of mood is sort of a wave, this means ups come after downs, and if she reaches the bottom faster the down part finished faster and she will eventually recover faster. Hence your role would be to join her and reach faster to the bottom of the well. So if she tells you she did bad in her exam:
Your not-so-good answer would be: "Don’t worry I am sure it would not affect you that much"
Your good answer would be: "So what if you missed up this exam or even all of your exams? Just forget about it, start over, and prepare yourself for the remaining ones. You can do it, trust me!”
On Mars rules are different. In subconscious a man has an image of himself as a Superman. Every now and then he feels the need to be alone in order to prove to himself that this image is still valid and that he does not need to depend on others. This case of isolation is what the book refers to as “The Cave” and it ends when he achieves a small victory (For example: playing a basketball game, repairing broken things, or even reading a newspaper).
Women would try with men what they usually do on Venus; that is to talk, share and show empathy. However, the worst thing to do for a Martian in his cave is to try to pull him out by trying to force him to talk. On the contrary, the best thing to do would be to help him achieve a small victory by waiting outside the cave and telling him “You can make it”. Take a look at this example:
Your not-so-good answer would be: "What's wrong, why are you so calm recently?"
Your good answer would be: "I just want you to know that I understand your need for some privacy, you have my support and once you feel like talking I will be here for you”
This book is worth reading and from my personal experience it works like magic, go ahead and try it on.